Friday, December 03, 2004

For Mature Audiences Only...

So, all this talk about sex and more specifically, "casual" sex as of late has got me to thinking. My friend and I just don't see eye to eye. He says sex is simple and I say it's anything but. I am more than a little turned off that he "approaches sex with each and every partner the exact same way". Wow, now that is sexy. Not. We have agreed to disagree.

I like what Tom Robbins has to say:

"There is lovemaking that is bad for a person, just as there is eating that is bad. That boysenberry cream pie from the Thrift-E Mart may appear inviting, may, in fact, cause all nine hundred taste buds to carol from the tongue, but in the end, the sugars, the additives, the empty calories clog arteries, disrupt cells, generate fat, and rot teeth. Even potentially nourishing foods can be improperly prepared. There are wrong combinations and improper preparations in sex as well. Yes, one must prepare for a fuck-the way an enlightened priest prepares to celebrate mass, the way a great matador prepares for the ring: with intensification, with purification, with a conscious summoning of sacred power. And even that won't work if the ingredients are poorly matched: oysters are delectable, so are strawberries, but mashed together...(?!) Every nutritious sexual recipe calls for at least a pinch of love, and the fucks that rate four-star rankings from both gourmets and health-food nuts use cupfuls. Not that sex should be regarded as therapeutic or to be taken for medicinal purposes-only a dullard would hang such a millstone around the nibbled neck of a lay-but to approach sex carelessly, shallowly, with detachment and without warmth is to dine night after night in erotic greasy spoons. In time, one's palate will become insensitive, one will suffer (without knowing it) emotional malnutrition, the skin of the soul will fester with scurvy, the teeth of the heart will decay. Neither duration nor proclamation of commitment is necessarily the measure-there are ephemeral explosions of passion between strangers that make more erotic sense than many lengthy marriages, there are one-night stands in Jersey City more glorious than six-months affairs in Paris-but finally there is a commitment, however brief; a purity, however threatened; a vulnerability, however concealed; a generosity of spirit, however marbled with need; an honest caring, however singed by lust, that must be present if couplings are to be salubrious and not slow poison." - Still Life With Woodpecker

As a girl who had a seven year marriage to her high school sweetheart, separated and stumbled on love three months later that was an emotional rollercoaster of cohabiting, breaking up and making up to the tune of less than a year, followed by a crash into *the lust of her life that resulted in a pseudo marriage of a year*, and a two month break before finding herself in a year long engagement and a marriage that barely held on for four years, I really don't know what I'm doing out here. It's also obvious that I don't know how to construct a sentence, but more on that later. I'm a serial relationship artist with absolutely no dating experience. I don't know how to play the field and frankly, I'm not interested. When I'm truly hungry, I never crave junk food....I want the real stuff. Is it just me? Am I way off base here?

*see before mentioned friend with the simple outlook


Blogger Snidget said...

Lulu... I'm with you. Either I'm fuckin' around or I'm not... and most of the time, I'm not. If I like a guy, I'm into it, and I don't want to play around with anyone else.

8:18 PM  
Blogger Jenny said...

I love you, Lulu. Dating sucks - and ultimately you deserve mind blowing, connected lovemaking. (You know I am in favor of you having some 'casual' action, but only if it makes you happy. It's junk food for sure.) I've had Liz Phair's "Fuck and Run" stuck in my head since reading this post this morning.

8:56 PM  
Blogger Betsy said...

How did I miss this post? I should have read this when you wrote it, as it would have saved me much navel-gazing and much much agita, urgh.

There are times in my life when casual sex is perfect and exactly what the doctor ordered - but those times have been few and far between, and I keep forgetting that while it scratches a few itches or soothes a tickle every now and then, most of the time it only causes more challenges than it solves (and that has held true for the partner I've interacted with for said casual encounter more often than not.)

Signals get blurred and/or missed...messages aren't ever heard clearly or at received at face value...and it's often missing the willingness to be intimate - even for an evening - that leaves one looking at what was not present, even when what was there was most recreationally pleasing.

You need to write more about this - or any related subject, for that matter. And I need to come back more often!

11:05 AM  
Blogger Michele said...

I one had this said to me by a man I'd been dating for three months. It was my 26th birthday, and we'd all been out, eating and drinking (except for him, he didn't drink.) We came back, we started kissing, and I was thinking it had been three months and I hadn't slept with him yet. I couldn't even wear tight pants, it was torture--I was dying--I needed some!

It was getting hot & heavy, and then he pulled back away from me and said, "I'm guessing you want to have sex with me?" I said Wow Bruce for a smart guy, you're pretty slow I've been wondering why you haven't tried earlier?"

He went to tell me that he thought I was beautiful, smart etc...but that he didn't feel that spark when he kissed me. I was crushed. He told me this after I'd bawled my druken eyes out.

"You can have sex with anyone, but you can only make love with a few." I laid there in the couch thinking about that statement, at first I was angry and embarrased that he'd turned me down--this had never happened in my life. But as time went on, we remained friends he moved back to Seattle, and I moved on with my life.

That statment rang in my ear a lot, when I would be in the mist of heavy petting with some new man--and I would hold back many times because the truth was I needed to care about them a little at least.

Dating is hard, but fun. If you remain true to what's really important to you, you will find the right man.

9:45 AM  

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