Tuesday, November 09, 2004

What fresh, effing hell is this?

As I eagerly await Genuine's advice as to what makes men tick, I find myself mulling over the events of the last few days.October marked my eight month anniversary of being single and I am feeling pretty content with the new life I have created for myself and my kidlets. So I guess the ex took that as his cue to come in and stir things up a bit.

My mommy free weekend came to a close on Sunday evening when he dropped our daughter off. As he came in the front door, he noticed this book on my coffee table.

"Oh, he said with a smile, what do you think of that?"

"I haven't even started it yet"

"It's a pretty provocative read"

"A friend of mine gave it to me and asked that I read it. He says there's a reference to Collinsville, IL".....

Oh, shit. "A friend" "HE" ...great. Nice going, lu.

"Listen, I know now is probably not the best time for us to talk but I need to tell you that I am still very much in love with you and want to be with you"

OK, I find it more than a little suspicious that he professed this to me on the heels of my faux pas seeing as in the whole of the past eight months he has never felt the need to express his undying love. In fact, it was only a few weeks back when we were discussing the details of our divorce-in-progress that he reiterated that he thought we were "doing the right thing."

After I recovered from the initial shock of his revelation, I started doing the math.
B=boy who's my friend
C=the man who no longer desired to be married

A+B=C's epiphany that I'm the best thing since sliced bread

God help me, I agreed to have a phone conversation with the ex where he profusely rejected the accuracy of my equation. He assured me that he had been for weeks trying to muster the courage to tell me how he truly felt. He said his intuition urged him to "do it now or never"....

That even without me slipping up and referring to my friend as he, he knew something was up as "that's not the kind of book a friend just randomly passes on....it's very sensual and if someone asked you to read it, you can be certain they are interested in being more than friends"...

He says he wanted to wait until more time had past so that I might find the changes he's made in his life since our split more plausible, but he panicked at the realization that "if he waited too long it might be too late."

During the last 48 hours, I have received love letters (The day I’m certain that you and I will never be together again will be the realization of my life’s greatest mistake) , pleas (let's slow down the divorce process) , and promises (I want nothing more than the opportunity to prove to you that I have changed) .

So, was it really an oversight on my part in leaving the book on the table?

If not, what was that about? What were my true motivations?

Why do I feel strangely powerful?

Why do I feel as though I'm kidding myself that I am powerful and that instead, I'm playing with fire?

Oh, and why am I asking you all of this?


Blogger Jenny said...

Remember in Tempe? My promise? Honey, sounds like Turd is finally shitting some bricks.

Whatever his motivation (and he probably thinks he's sincere) he has proven time and again that change for him only lasts until he's got the upper hand. If he can keep you from dating, keep you weak and missing him, he's winning.

It's pretty hard to be him right now. That's what I'm hearing. He can't stand the thought that you are thriving without him. He was so quick to rub the free time and the housekeeper and the renewed relationships in your face... he liked the idea that you weren't happy.

Bah. I spit on his-a face!

You know you were looking all hot and satisfied, too. Hah. Suffer, Turd!

8:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HAHAHHAHAAH, Jenny!!!!!!

That is SOOOOO what I was going to say - - he LIKED IT when **HE** was the one seeing others & you were "suffering" home by yourself... he was content THEN to proceed with the divorce & it WAS "the right thing" THEN. But now that FB is in the picture, he sees that you don't NEED him anymore & he feels powerless & like he truly IS f-ing up the best thing that's ever happened to his sad pathetic self... (which he TOTALLY is)

I think it's FRIGGIN' HILARIOUS!!!!!!

Damn skippy, Turd. Suffer on!!!!!!!!

What does YOUR heart say, Lulu?

xo Ging

11:47 PM  

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