Saturday, November 06, 2004

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes...

Jay got me to thinking about my status as a suddenly single and I've started weighing in the pros and cons as I find myself an honorary member of the twice divorced club.

Single vs Married:

Being single means I always have to take out the trash. It also means that the trash goes out before it reaches its half-life.

I don't have to shave my legs and with all the money I save on shaving products, our family can afford to go out to a movie once in awhile. Wait, I didn't shave my legs when I was married either.

Being single means I'm solely responsible for managing the finances, meal planning and preparation, shopping, vehicle maintenance, planning and organizing the girls parties and activities, arranging child care when needed, staying home and taking care of sick kids, making and following through with holiday traditions, taking my children to doctor and dentist appointments, laundry, yard work and household chores, making sure their are no monsters underneath beds, killing spiders, washing hair, reading bedtime stories, wiping tears, butts and noses (in no particular order), etc. etc. Wow, whatta ya know, *I* held that same position while being married too....the difference being, with one less person to take care of now that I'm single.

I *never* have to listen to the screetch of basketball player's shoes on the court, the drone of the crowd, someone yelling obscenities in my living room, or some annoying as hell sports announcer.

Being single means my sheets smell like lavender instead of ass.

Being single means a quick wipe of the bathroom sink each morning takes care of toothpaste spittage. No more hair and greasy shaving cream ring around the sink.

On the subject of bathrooms, go ahead, lift my toilet seat up....sparkly, sparkly, sparkly.

Being single means I don't have a mother-in-law.

Being single means saying good riddance to all the freakin wires sprouting from electronics all over our house and no more trying to pass monstrous speakers and subwoofers off as fine furnishings.

Being single means I have to put all the groceries away. It also means that I don't have to stand behind a man stricken with male refrigerator blindness while the milk begins to curdle. What's up with that anyway? Aren't men supposed to be better spatially?

Being single marks the end of the obligatory functions I was to attend in order to make my husband look good.

Being single means I get to send the man home before he can make too much of a mess.


Blogger Jenny said...

Can I just say WOOOOOO! Love this 'tude from you. Finally. Sheesh!

PS - where did your blogging for books entry go?

1:26 PM  
Blogger Lala said...

*SOB* I miss being a single mom. *SOB*

6:43 PM  
Blogger WonderfulWoman said...

Suddenly single = Hallelujah I'm FREE!!!

5:04 PM  

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