Sunday, November 07, 2004

Double Header....pun intended for your pleasure



Booty Call Contract

THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:
1. No sleeping over -- unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.
2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.
3. No calls before 9 PM - we don't have anything to talk about.
4. None of that "lovemaking" stuff -- only sex allowed.
5. No emotional discussions (i.e., Where are we heading with this? Do you love me?) The answer is no, so don't ask.
6. No plans made in advance -- that is why you are called the "backup," unless you are from out-of-town, then it's only a one-time advanced arrangement.
7. All gifts accepted -- money is always good.
8. No baby talk -- however, dirty talk is encouraged.
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers -- it's really none of your damn business.
10. No calling each other "friends with privileges" we are not friends, just sex buddies.
11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK - don't be offended.
12. No extra clothing - I don't want you leaving anything behind when you leave.
13. No falling asleep right after sex -- it's over, so get up, get dressed and go home.
14. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it - I don't care.
15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.
16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be: "My cousin."
17. Doggie style is the preferred position -- the reason is less eye contact the better.
19. No glove, no love. Go home.
20. Bring your own drink - I am not your liquor store.
21. No phone use, please -- don't want anyone calling back looking for you.
* EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS:
The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this Agreement, it will automatically become null and void and you will then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from phone memory and email list. In other words, you will be BLOCKED from all communications until you understand the rules.
Participating Party
Signature_______________________________________ Date: ________________
Participating Party
Signature_______________________________________ Date: ________________

We, myself and the boy who's a friend, have managed to successfully violate several items in the above noted contract. To our defense, we aren't really breaking rule number one, as it really *is* that good. As for number six, we hardly have a choice as I for one have a life and we must schedule our playdates around it.

I am blessed with two weekends a month of time that's all about me, me, me and I have been keeping my commitment to set aside Friday evenings to pamper myself with a pedicure, a long bath, a good read, and some journaling. However, this particular Friday I was feeling spunky and so I called him and we decided to go for a two nighter.

We didn't get much (any) sleep on Friday night and I only felt a little bad about the fact that he had to be up and on his way to work at 7AM Saturday morning. We decided we would both squeeze in a nap before hooking up again at our regularly scheduled time on Saturday evening. The nap didn't happen for either of us and so we found ourselves in bed making like it was a school night. Well, we really did think we were tired and ready for sleep until we got into bed. We woke up at 9am and got out of bed at, ahem, noon. I am exhausted, but in the best kind of way.

Mornings are always a little strange. It's one thing to be letting it all hang out with candlelight and shadow play as your stage but it's just not that sexy when morning rolls around and your sportin pillow face and eye crusties. And isn't it weird that I care?....we lived together for over a year, it's not like he hasn't seen it all before. He finds great humor in the fact that I do care ( as he assures me that I am "beautiful") and that I religiously practice a morning after de-sex-isizing ritual. I first brush my teeth, followed by changing my not-smelling-so-much-like-lavender-anymore sheets, open a window or two, dispose of all "candy wrappers" in the trash can outside, and take a nice, hot shower. What? Doesn't everyone practice something to this effect?

Sex is messy and try as I might, I can't do a clean sweep every time. We made the fatal mistake of communicating what we were thinking before the fog of orgasm had lifted...not to worry, we did not violate number five of the contract by uttering the "L" but we both know we came pretty damn close. Before he left this morning, uh, afternoon, we made our best attempt to push what we could back under the rug. This might not turn out to be as simple as I hoped. Dammit! Why do we have to like each other so much?






7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lulu, you VIXEN!!!!!! Reeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooowwwwwwww!

I'm SO glad you're enjoying yourselves & cracking my ass up in the process! I LOVED your booty call contract! OMG! HAHHAHAHAH!

xoxoxo Ging

3:21 PM  
Blogger Jenny said...

Hee! You'll sort it out, WRT the feelings.

by the way, am lovin this:

http://www.exinthecity.com/

4:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From what I read on Genuine's blog, I thought this post was about boots, so I wasn't sure if I should come visit since I only have Puma's, but I'm glad I did, because now I know what a booty call is, and it's not about boots!

It's nice to meet you lulu! I hope you had a nice weekend!

7:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oops, I forgot to tell you my name, it's Rockchild! I'm the one with the Puma's.

Hope to see you on my blog someday!

http://www.rockchild.com

7:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it's icing on the cake when you like each other. Think of how much worse it would be cleaning up after a dickhead. okay maybe a different epithet, but you get what I mean, eh?
kate http://mkate.bravejournal.com -- via genuine, of course.

Have fun.

7:27 AM  
Blogger Leah said...

I think the whole contract idea is too much (funny that is) I was about to start calling co-workers to my desk to read it! Great idea; even better that you like him and it seems the feeling is mutal!

4:59 PM  
Blogger Snidget said...

I love it, and also love your blog.

Consider yourself b-rolled, m'dear.

5:48 PM  

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